Wait- don't stop reading yet! I realize that was a very contrived and non original opening for a blog memoir, or BlogOir as I like to call them. Hey wait, nobody fuckin steal that before I get a patent! That shit belongs to me!
Anyways, I hope you are still there, I probably wouldn't be. From the way I'm writing, I don't really think I actually still am. Damn these anti anxiety pills! Actually I take that back, they are heaven and the reason I can face the world. That is a side story. Ok, where was I? Let me give you guys a tip- writing a BlogOir is mad easy and if you forget what you say, scroll up bitch. It's not hard. Right back on track. You don't even gotta take notes or bullet points to keep the conversation on track, it's right above you. My monologue that for some weird reason you have decided to read is being written like you are talking to my Grandma and gotta take notes or you will have no idea what she said or why you didn't get the answer to the only question you asked for but now you are thinking about your conservative but surprisingly liberal minded Grandma ( she's wasn't A Conservative, she just was. She's dead, leave her alone!) and 1930's bars and flirting with Sailors. And Pierogis for some reason... Anyways, that might just be me. Um, I'm gonna start soon ( or have I, literary wonder #1) and hope that you have found the time out of your precious little life to read. Thanks. Yeah. You're fuckin awesome! I might be ready, wait, let me take a tokey first...
Um, "tokey" means I have to pee, ok? It's Hawaiian ( it's not) and it has nothing to do with condoning "tokeING" or smoking weed cuz I'm not about to tell the world I do way more than recreationally ( I do) but I just wanted to catch you up on some of the cool Hawaiian terms I've learned/made up since we moved here. Oh yeah, this BlogOir was born and raised in Chicago ( so I'm a Gangsta), and now brought his ass to Hawaii, where I currently put the Gay in "Gaygnsta". Hawaii is awesome and un like anywhere else in the world, except Japan. Yes it is expensive, but living downtown anywhere is expensive and I've managed to live 2 blocks away from Waikiki Beach for almost 4 years now. It can be done, although I probably wouldn't have made this move without my soon to be Ex-Husband. We moved here after my family had passed and I inherited enough money at the time to move us out, here but that's about it, because I need to take a money management classy this is embarrassing, Grandma used to say I spend money like a drunken sailor, but this is just ridiculous. You'd think in my early thirties I'd learn my lesson by now but nope. I'm shopping as I type. It's pathetic at this point, thank fucking god I don't have Credit Cards anymore. Actually learned a lesson from those plastic little assholes and now I'm wanted in 13 states! Why you think I live in Hawaii, bro? Lol. Right now, is the most challenging but at the same time rewarding part of my life journey as well as my time in Hawaii, so I figured I'd inflict it upon you guys.
Are you guys still there? No?
I can wait...
Ok welcome back. No ma'am that is fine. NEXT time I will require a Doctors note. Please have your seat or just sit down, I don't really know where you are while yourself this, but I hope you are naked. So, I originally wanted to use this BlogOir as a way to talk to people who are going through similair situations as me which are ( drumroll please) Divorce and quitting Anti Depressants and Pain Killers Cold Turkey! Yay for me, except the Divorce part but I'm sober from pharmaceuticals except for my Anxiety medicine and have never felt better. The Divorce part, not so yay for me. But, then I decided to be selfish and just use this BlogOir to talk about myself. And you will read. I am an interesting little Peacock and it is fun to pick my brain, or at least read the parts I expose which I can laugh at if someone else does. Also, my therapist is holding me at gunpoint right now... Help me... Fuck she saw that and cocked the trigger...
So, this year, due to my never ending ball of stress I call a Divorce I am Job hunting, have overcome addiction to both Paxil and Norco and have remained sober for the past month. I have also moved all of my belongings to my friends house and have very limited visitation rights to see my Doggy, Isis. Divorce is a cock sucking backstabbing ass hole of a jerk face! Just in case u didn't know. It makes you say things like " if we had never gotten married"... If we had never gotten married? What? I'm happy and proud of most of the 8 years we spent together (married 4, I'm not that old) and we had a beautiful marriage. Yes, there were things we chose to ignore instead of work on and we knew we needed Therapy and ignored it, but we had a connection unlike any I have experienced before. Yes, we were total opposites which we always pretended was our strength but turned out to end up giving me just a thing to say after he kicked me out. So, I was basically on Paxil for 4 months, and it felt like it was working, but I turned into someone else. I just didn't give a fuck (which is not me and I could see how that would be alarming) coupled by the fact that I was so high on various pain pills all the time, and drunk, and sedated, and "tokey". I was a mess, but somehow over the Grapevine he heard I cheated on him and refuses, just plain out refuses to believe me and I was voted off the Island. Sucks, but my Roommate doesn't trust me either and they both think I am a liar, a cheat and a Thief. It's better that I don't live there anymore. They need time, and so do I. It's just been really hard to go through this, withdrawal and look for work. Not attend a job you already have, look for a new position. Paxil withdrawal is like talking really bad acid, that send shocks of electric volts through your mind, tremors, makes you hallucinate and pulses through your body. Plus, you look like shit and are exhausted all the time. Not cool. I also didn't properly ween myself off, which is both dangerous and strangely fun. I'm not sure if my temporary roommates realized I would be going through that ( they didn't and god bless them) but I feel a lot better now and not like a zombie. Problem is, he agreed to go to counseling with me if I got clean and sober, but wants space and won't even talk to me usually. The cheating thing is just annoying and really speaks to his character, because if your Husband tells you he didn't cheat and you accuse him, you better have solid concrete evidence. I did not cheat ever, for the record, and am also the only one who stopped taking my medication to work on us. I choose not to live my life like that anymore now, but it took awhile before I felt that way. Just doing me, I have 2 jobs that I'm just waiting to start and I will be able to look for a place. I have about a month as long as i continue to couch surf. And he has been nicer about me walking the my Doggy. And I'm feeling better. And I hope you wanna read more and were slightly end.tertained. If not, fuck it, fuck you and write your own BlogOir. I've been through way too much to even think about your shirt, but send me a link cuz I will totally read it. And hey, don't you guys feel better knowing that it's even rough in Hawaii sometimes? I think I'll go lay on my world famous backyard known as Waikiki Beach and ponder... That's a photo of swag my girl Ashe gave me. Thought I'd show a mean scary version of me embracing my festishes while trying to be sexy, and basically failing Miserably. That's why I followed it with a couple of nice, happy friendly pics. Cuz I'm a nice bitch, and I really want you to think I'm skinny and attractive. I don't even care if you read my words of wisdom as long as you or someone you know would hit this. For those who know me in the flesh, this is a joke. Well, I'm gonna wrap this up as my first entry, y'all just wait. That was a glimpse, I promise to expand on the above topic choice as well as give you a lot, lot more.
Hugs and Blogs,
K.J. Dominicks
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