How ya doin? My head kinda hurts today, and I'm pissed and kinda shocked is slept in, which means I woke up at 9 am. That is unacceptable but I haven't been sleeping well lately.
It's been a few nights, and sleep just has not been coming my way, not the way I would prefer.
I prefer a full evening sleep in a bed, next to my Husband and Doggy, not on a couch ( no matter how comfortable it may be, because it really it comfortable) and I'm used to having a different schedule.
I'm used to basically everything in my life being different, but that's another story.
What I miss the most is just the comfort, the constant, the one who would always be there.
I'll give him that, he was always there.
And lately, he has been a lot more civil with me, and neither one of us are taking unnecessary stabs when we communicate through texts ( which are always interpreted in the exact way you meant them). Jesus fucking Christ ( I know- language!) but I have learned that I cannot do anything right, and glue does not fix all things. And I already know that things you miss you will always miss, but the pain gets easier. And I want it to be easier for me. And i want the pain I have inflicted to be easier, and I want to be understood. But more than that, I want to be one step closer to realizing that I will not gain that status. I need to move on, and move on quickly. Back and forth about whether or not to leave Island or stay and tough it out on my own, and if I can deal with Winter in Chicago, which does not sound nice when I already can't take the wind here at night! I feel like I'm full rich boy ( without ANY money) snob status! Lol. Chicago sounds good because I have places to stay, connections and it's far away from the situation. It will make the situation final to me, and it's hard to start over again when you are uncomfortable in your surroundings. But, in Chicago I can't afford my anxiety medication without insurance and I can't go through another kind of withdrawal! And I'm shouldn't be off my anxiety meds, I had no need to be on pain pills or anti depressants ( the anti depressants were something I got recently because my doctor wanted me to try to see if helped with my problems. It didn't. At all.)
But, it's not like I'm staying here for my anxiety meds, I love it here! And I can either start my life here like an adult, or move to Chicago, run away, always wonder what if I had stayed and I just don't want to feel like I'm running away. Plus, I think I'm wanted in Chicago for something. Lol. I am proud to say, up I till this moment, I do have a clean record. So far, I'm doing great! Yeah...
T I had a photo of myself and my love, but I didn't feel it was right to post it and expose identities, although if you know me, I mean of course your gonna know what and who I'm talking about.
Oh, well just get over it. None of you have anything to worry about, or hate me over.
I 
I don't care what anyone says, if things like this are badass and make you very happy then who cares if you live them? And repeatedly bringing up how shocked you are at the cost and laughing but then saying you're not laughing is called laughing. Just saying. There. That was the meanest thing I ever said about you in print or person and that was still basically a joke at my expense.!
- K.J. Dominick's out again
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