They happen to all of us and they are mad awkward.
You are lost, not sure of your next move, and usually on your own.
In my case, this transition is Divorce and an entire life 180.
It is creating me again, and ruining me, all at the same time.
I'm trying my best to stay positive and it is going very well, even in my sober state.
Ok, yes, I have breakdowns and moments of depression, but I am overall happy and working hard.
I also have a dream apartment lined up and pray to GOD that I can get it.
It would be fabulous and help me feel better about my independence and future.
However, still working on the financial kinks that all Divorces end in.
The good thing is we are talking regularly and actually getting together.
I'll take what I can at this point, I'd rather be his friend again than nothing and always feeling insecure.
My major blow of the week is that he has admitted that his health is very poor, almost to a life threatening point ( waiting on results and what next step we have to take)
I'm more worried than ever, and wish I knew how to help him, but he seems to be doing fine without me ( even though that is a mask we both wear very well)
He knows I miss him and how I feel about him, I know he cares for me.
A large part of me knows I am foolishly holding onto something that had fizzled a long time ago and we chose to do nothing to fix it, but I am and always be in love with him ( or at least love him) and the other part of me wonders whether we can reignite the spark that we lost.
Another part of me wonders if I even want to.
I don't know.
I don't write these things to actually solve my problems, I write to vent and update y'all on my life.
And life is good. Challenging, but isn't it always no matter where you are or what situation you are in?
Yes. Yes it is.
God will test you beyond your wildest dreams.
It's us that come out on top who win this foolish game called life.
AND- I'm done!
On a side note-
Loving the new Pharrell, Beck and Ashanti albums...
Until next time,
K.J. Dominick's
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